In response to Calgary’s ongoing water crisis, city officials have announced a controversial new measure: the banning of salt and salty foods. The reasoning behind the ban is simple—salty foods make people thirsty, leading to increased water consumption, which the city cannot afford in these dire times.

A Crystaline Crackdown

To enforce this ban, the RCMP has established a perimeter around Calgary, conducting inspections on all inbound vehicles for the now-forbidden crystalline white powder. This has led to a surprising new black market for salt, much to the delight of certain enterprising individuals.

Grandma’s Secret Stash

One such individual is Grandma Betsy, who has turned her hoarded supply of baking essentials into a lucrative business. “I’ve always been a bit of a hoarder when it comes to baking supplies,” Betsy admits. “But I never imagined my 80kg of salt would one day be worth a staggering $7 million on the black market.”

Booming Business

With her newfound wealth, Betsy has hired a gang of former drug dealers to manage her burgeoning salt empire. “These guys know how to move a product,” Betsy says with a wink. “They’re used to dealing with high demand and low supply. Salt might not be as glamorous as drugs, but it’s certainly more lucrative these days.”

The RCMP on Alert

The RCMP is aware of the black market but admits it’s a challenging problem to tackle. “We’re doing our best to keep salt out of the city, but it’s tough when people are this desperate,” said RCMP Officer Crystal Clear. “We urge citizens to adhere to the ban and report any suspicious activity.”

Community Reaction

The salt ban has sparked mixed reactions from Calgary residents. Some support the measure, understanding the need to reduce water consumption. “It makes sense,” said local resident Thirsty Waters. “Anything we can do to save water is a good thing.”

Others, however, are less convinced. “It’s ridiculous,” complained Salty Tears. “I can’t even enjoy my favorite snacks anymore. And now I have to worry about Grandma Betsy’s thugs cornering the market!”

Looking Forward

As Calgary continues to navigate its water crisis, the salt ban represents yet another creative, if controversial, effort to conserve resources. Whether this measure will significantly impact water consumption remains to be seen, but it has undoubtedly added another layer of complexity to life in the city.

For now, residents are advised to steer clear of salty foods and be vigilant about the RCMP inspections. And if you happen to stumble upon Grandma Betsy’s operation, you might want to think twice before getting involved in the city’s newest black market.