In a bold and controversial move, the City of Calgary has announced plans to collaborate with a yet-to-be-named oil giant to spill oil across the surface of the Glenmore Reservoir. The aim is to minimize evaporation and conserve water during the ongoing crisis. The plan involves floating and capsizing a mini-tanker, nicknamed the Valdez II, into the center of the reservoir.
A Bold Plan
City spokesperson, Slick Waters, explained the rationale behind the unusual approach. “By creating a thin layer of oil on the reservoir’s surface, we can significantly reduce evaporation. It’s an innovative solution to our water crisis, and we’re excited to see it in action.”
The operation will see the Valdez II, a scaled-down version of the infamous Exxon Valdez, intentionally capsized to release oil across the reservoir. The plan has raised eyebrows and concerns among environmentalists and residents alike.
Impact on Wildlife
City officials acknowledged the potential impact on local wildlife, particularly waterfowl. “We know this will be tough on the ducks,” admitted Waters. “But we have crews standing by with toothbrushes and turpentine to clean them as needed. As for the geese, those bastards are on their own.”
Signs around the reservoir humorously read, “Bold Plan to Minimize Evaporation” and “Acceptable Losses for Waterfowl,” highlighting the controversial and unconventional nature of the plan.
Community Reactions
The announcement has sparked a mix of reactions from the community. “It’s a crazy idea, but if it works, it could be a game-changer,” said local resident, Oil Riggs. “I just hope they’re prepared to deal with the environmental fallout.”
Others have expressed skepticism and concern. “This is a disaster waiting to happen,” warned environmental advocate, Green Leaf. “The potential harm to wildlife and the environment far outweighs any benefits.”
Prepared for Cleanup
Despite the concerns, city officials and workers are confident in their ability to manage the situation. Cleanup crews are equipped and ready to address any issues that arise, ensuring that the reservoir and its inhabitants are cared for.
“We’re taking every precaution to make sure this goes smoothly,” said Waters. “Our crews are prepared to clean up any mess and keep our water supply protected.”
Looking Forward
As Calgary continues to navigate its water crisis, the collaboration with Big Oil represents a daring and unconventional approach to conservation. Whether this plan will prove effective remains to be seen, but it has certainly generated significant attention and debate.
For now, the city remains focused on finding innovative solutions to its water woes, no matter how unconventional they may be.
