In a controversial new policy aimed at extreme water conservation, Calgary’s daycares and orphanages have announced that they will no longer provide liquids to children. The move is designed to address the city’s ongoing water crisis by reducing water consumption in these facilities. Officials assure parents that the children “probably won’t die” from dehydration.

An Unconventional Approach

Childcare director, Thirsten Dry, explained the rationale behind this drastic measure. “Children aren’t particularly useful in the grand scheme of things, so it makes sense to have them dehydrated and sedate. This way, we save water and the kids remain calm and manageable.”

To implement this policy, all drinks, including water, juice, and milk, have been removed from daycare and orphanage menus. Instead, children are given dry snacks and meals designed to minimize thirst. Caretakers have been instructed to monitor the children closely and ensure they remain as hydrated as possible without actually providing liquids.

Mixed Reactions from the Community

The announcement has sparked outrage and concern among parents and child welfare advocates. “It’s inhumane to deny children something as basic as water,” said concerned parent, H2 O’Mama. “Kids need liquids to stay healthy and active. This policy is just absurd.”

Despite the backlash, some officials believe the policy is a necessary step to address the severe water shortages facing the city. “Desperate times call for desperate measures,” said water conservation officer, Aqua Fina. “We need to look at all possible ways to save water, even if they seem extreme.”

Health and Safety Concerns

Medical experts have weighed in, warning about the potential health risks associated with severe dehydration, especially in young children. Dr. I. Drinkwater emphasized the importance of proper hydration for growth and development. “While the idea of reducing water consumption is understandable, children need adequate fluids to stay healthy. Dehydration can lead to serious health issues, including organ failure.”

City officials have promised to review the policy and make adjustments as needed. In the meantime, they are urging parents to ensure their children stay hydrated outside of daycare and orphanage hours.

A Temporary Measure

While the no-liquid policy is intended as a temporary measure, its long-term effects remain uncertain. As Calgary continues to navigate the water crisis, the community is hopeful for more balanced and humane solutions in the near future.

Until then, parents and caregivers are advised to keep a close eye on their children’s hydration levels and provide plenty of fluids at home. And remember, as the city officials say, “They probably won’t die.”