In a move that is both shocking and innovative, the City of Calgary has announced that the city morgue will begin dehydrating corpses to supply water to downtown restaurants. This measure aims to prevent restaurant closures like those experienced during the COVID-19 pandemic by ensuring a steady water supply.

Necessity Breeds Innovation

City official, Morticia Graves, explained the decision: “The current water crisis demands that we explore all possible solutions. By dehydrating corpses, we can extract precious water and provide it to our downtown restaurants, ensuring they remain open and thriving.”

The process involves specialized equipment that extracts and purifies water from the bodies, which is then distributed to participating restaurants. While the idea may seem macabre, officials assure that the water is thoroughly treated and safe for consumption.

Support from the Community

Surprisingly, the initiative has received support from both restaurant owners and patrons. “We understand it sounds unconventional, but desperate times call for desperate measures,” said chef Al Dente of La Vie en Eau, a popular downtown bistro. “If it helps us stay open and serve our customers, we’re all for it.”

Patrons at the restaurant echoed similar sentiments. “It’s definitely strange, but if it means I can enjoy my favorite meals without worrying about water shortages, then I’m on board,” said diner Rita Waterhouse.

Ensuring Safety and Quality

To address any health concerns, the city has implemented rigorous testing protocols to ensure the water meets all safety standards. Dr. H2 O’Brien, a leading water safety expert, emphasized the thoroughness of the process. “The water is purified using state-of-the-art technology, making it completely safe for consumption. We’re confident in its quality and safety.”

Looking to the Future

While this initiative is a temporary solution to the current water crisis, city officials are continuing to explore other sustainable methods to address the situation. In the meantime, the dehydrated corpse water program highlights Calgary’s commitment to creativity and resilience in the face of adversity.

As the city navigates these challenging times, the community’s willingness to embrace unconventional solutions is a testament to its strength and adaptability. So next time you dine out in downtown Calgary, raise a glass of dehydrated corpse water and toast to innovation and survival.